a_nonny_mouse_9 (a_nonny_mouse_9) wrote,
a_nonny_mouse_9
a_nonny_mouse_9

Impossible

I live by a set of impossible standards. 

In the last several years I have explored the origin of these standards in therapy, and I now understand where they came from and how they came to dominate my life.  That doesn't mean I've changed them yet; it just means I have more insight into the problem they present. 

Amazingly enough, I don't expect most people to live up to such standards. On some level I have always known they are impossible. But the closer I am to a person, the more I want to see high standards at work in them.  I think this has cost my loved ones some anguish over the years, though, because apparently I am pretty good at living up to those standards.  

That might explain why I am so tired.

I do not accept affection or approval very well. I do not take compliments well, or take much credit for any achievements. 

I discount them, dispose of them, deny them...

I'm running on empty.

I've got a good therapist. We're working on it. And, of course, I'll work very hard.

I always do.
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